When it’s Difficult to Keep Cool: 3 Ways to Overcome Anger

Do you easily get angry?

I was observing two candles. I wondered why the other one had a brighter light. I went closer and saw that it had a longer wick exposed.

The wick may symbolize patience. The longer the “wick,” the brighter the light.

This leads me to James 1: 19-20:

“You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness.” (NRSV)

What could be effects of anger? Anger can ruin other people’s day — and your day especially. You may notice that you are easily angered by certain people; usually the ones closest like family. Perhaps you have an office mate who made a bad remark in the past, and you’re easily ticked off by anything he or she says. Anger can have a lasting negative effect on your behavior and personality.

How can we overcome anger? Three ideas come to mind.

1. Don’t be reactive. 

One of the best things I learned from Stephen Covey is to be proactive. This is the opposite of being reactive. We have the power to choose how to respond to situations. This makes us “response-able.” Being proactive lets you choose the best response to create solutions out of a difficult situation — and not add to the problem. How many times have people said the most hurtful things at the height of emotions?

2.  Be quick to listen

If your expectations aren’t met, instead of flaring up and judging a person, find out first the cause of conflict. Learn the art of listening. Pope Francis shares:

We need to practice the art of listening, which is more than simply hearing. . .Only through such respectful and compassionate listening can we enter on the paths of true growth and awaken a yearning for the Christian ideal: the desire to respond fully to God’s love and to bring to fruition what he has sown in our lives. (Evangelii gaudium, 171).

Compassionate listening is about putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Finding the reason behind a situation may bring you to a better understanding and avoid hurt feelings based on assumptions.

3. Don’t nurture your anger.

Be aware. You might be nurturing your anger like a pet. You may be feeding it, and even finding “comfort” in it. This is dangerous, because anger is not a loyal friend — or pet. It will bite back and eat you whole. It will suck your energy and will lead you to paths you wouldn’t think of treading.

“…do not let the sun set on your anger.” (Eph. 4: 26b)

Righteous anger is different. It is an emotion that wants to eliminate evil. It is about being angry about the sin, but not the sinner.  “Be angry but do not sin…” (Eph. 4: 26a)

What to do?

Ask for the grace of a longer “wick” — to be patient and to be slow to anger.  As Christians, our light will grow brighter when we do not let our emotions get the best of us. I like what Pope Francis advocates: to have a “revolution of tenderness” (Evangelii gaudium 88).